Relationship Psychotherapy & Counselling

"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
― Carroll Bryant

We are by nature, relational beings, we crave connection, intimacy, and understanding. Relationships are at the forefront of our life, be those relationships at work, with family, friends or partners -  we are our relationships, so it is completely understandable to feel in turmoil when these relationships aren't 'working' quite as we feel they should. 

The foundations for successful professional relationships require trust and respect, whereas our close personal relationships with our friends, family and partners carry attachment, love and intimacy.

So what is love and intimacy?  

Firstly intimacy is not sex, touching or the physical show of affection as it is so often believed to be. Intimacy "Into me see" is closeness, which is emotional before physical. True intimacy is a shared openness to understand on a deep level, the needs, wants, fantasies, fears, traumas and triggers of another. To be intimate is to bond, it is to share your mind without walls, it is to be vulnerable, open and free of judgement; Intimacy is the secrets shared, dreams discussed, and tears safe to flow.

Intimate relationships require trust, acceptance, honesty, safety, compassion, affection and communication.

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To love someone, unconditionally and wholly, is to take them them as part of yourself. This means their needs become your needs, their struggles become your struggles, their joy is your joy. Love is a 'one-ness' between two people, and when it comes without rules or expectation, it is unconditional. 

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In romantic relationships, loving unconditionally, does not mean we have to accept or tolerate behavior that is damaging to us. We can love someone and chose not continue in an unhealthy relationship, just as relationships based on respect rather than love chose to carry on for mutual convenience.

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Not all pairings are compatible, or continue to be compatible. As individuals we have separate needs, wants and priorities and well as mutual ones.  Each party has their own rate of personal, spiritual and professional growth they are working at, and for both parties they are valid - but sometimes they can be conflicting. 

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Our compatibility can often come down to our human needs, and how we prioritise them. These values can often explain the cracks in our foundation. Through couples therapy we look at what you both value most, both independently and mutually; working towards flexibility where the gaps present. 

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Lack of communication and loss of connection are the main culprits in relationship issues. Through therapy we offer a 'mediated' safe space, where you can both talk freely, openly and honestly; without judgement. Whether we feel misunderstood, unappreciated, starved of affection or taken for granted, it is often that our love languages are out of sync; often the other person feels that they 'couldn't do any more.'

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It is important to consider that we don't all experience or receive love in the same way. Through therapy, we work to learn more about how both parties experience love, breaking the ineffective cycle; enabling both parties to feel valued, 'seen,' heard and significant. 

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"Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow."

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KAHLIL GIBRAN